I Don’t Know How You Do It!

I’ve heard this phrase a lot in the years since my son was diagnosed with special needs.

I often don’t know how people expect me to respond to it.  Even I don’t know how I do it!!

The truth is, there is really no “how”. As a parent, it’s your God-given job to ensure your child is safe and healthy.  If you are a decent human, there aren’t other options for how to raise your child.

When you have a child with special needs, you are suddenly responsible for much more than just the basics of life.  Now you’re into doctor after doctor, therapies, perhaps medications, school accommodations, social issues, worry for the future, etc.

Early on I decided I wasn’t going to spend time worrying about the why of it.  You can blame genetics, environment, previous illness… the list goes on… but you don’t often get a concrete explanation anyway.  Maybe God gave us this child for a reason.  Maybe he will grow up to have an impact on the world somehow.  Maybe going through this struggle will teach all of us something, if at the very least, empathy for others who are also suffering.

If you are wondering, yes, there are days when I want to throw in the towel.  It’s incredible how you have phases of life where you think it can’t get worse… and it does.  This is an isolating life.  Sometimes watching other families with their “neuro-typical” children can be so painful when it’s all you want for your child too.

So, how DO I do it?

At one point along this journey, I came across a story of a young mother who had lost her husband.  She had three small children to now raise on her own.  She had a phrase that she repeated through her darkest days, and it’s something I have also clung to:

I don’t know how I will do it, but I AM doing it.

A few years back I decided to create a Facebook for other parents like us, where we can all feel safe to share what’s REALLY going on, encourage each other, and find support from people who can relate.  If this is something your family is walking through, or you know of someone who is, please feel free to check out the group here.